And So a New Day Begins

There aren't going to be pretty pictures or fun projects in this post.  It's not that kind of post.  It's a gritty real from the heart kind of post.

Last Monday morning around 4:30 a.m. LB had to take me to the hospital. I was having horrible pain in my upper left back.  I honestly thought it was a heart attack.  It had to be a heart attack to hurt that bad I thought.  Well they talked and poked and decided to do a CT to make certain I didn't have an aortic tear or a pulmonary blood clot.  The good news was I had neither of those but my gallbladder was large and it appeared to have fluid around it.  They then did an ultrasound that confirmed the gallbladder was inflamed and full of stones.  Do not pass go, do not collect $100, go straight to the surgical floor you're having an operation.  We waited all day to see the surgeon and I wasn't allowed anything to drink or eat.  I was about to get hostile in a big way.

The surgeon Dr. P. came by around 6.  Told us what the plan was and what to expect.  The original plan was a little pushed back because they had noticed something on the CT and wanted to do a mammogram before surgery.  For those who don't know I had uterine cancer in the spring of 2007 so I was a little worried at this point.

So Tuesday morning we did the mammogram and that afternoon they removed the offending gallbladder. Nelson told me I looked better after I arrived from recovery than I did when they took me.  I honestly felt 100% better after surgery.  That gallbladder pain is like nothing I have ever experienced and hope to never again.

Wednesday morning Dr. P. came in during rounds and said they needed to ultrasound the spot they saw on CT and possibly biopsy it.  I asked if he thought I should be worried and he honestly answered me.  I knew then IT was back.  I didn't need further test I KNEW.  But you always have to be sure so I went to ultrasound and they did want to biopsy it.  At this point I'm sporting 5 new holes in my body.  Not looking so good.  They did let me go home after that.

LB was heading to war college orientation in PA that night so I pretty much downplayed everything so he would go.  I wanted him to go and not worry and do what he needed to do.  I knew in my heart we would have things to worry about in the future.

Nelson, MAS and MomMcD all came to help out my first couple of days home.  Feeding me whatever I wanted.  It was great.  Then Friday afternoon I received the call.  I knew the call was coming.  I wanted to avoid it.  I knew it wouldn't go away.

Dr. P. was calling to tell me my pathology report was back and it wasn't what we wanted it to be.  It's in my body again.  Two weeks short of my 5 years clean.  Back again to try and break me.

CANCER SUCKS!


It's in my right breast this time.  Stage 1 Grade 2 cancer.  CANCER!!!  Oh, how I hate that word.  I wanted to scream and throw things.  But that's not the way I handle serious stuff.  Instead I sat in silence and contemplated.  Then I told Nelson.  You never want to tell your mother you have cancer.  The second time you tell her you want to throw up.  I'm her only child.  Reason 1001 why cancer sucks.

I then told MAS because she was with me the first time and I'm going to need her the second time.

I waited to tell anyone else because I needed to tell LB and he was so far away.  I decided I would wait until he got home tonight to tell him.  No need for him to be upset and so far away.  It would not change a thing.  I let him greet the dogs so they would settle down and I told him for the second time that I have cancer.  It wasn't the homecoming I wanted him to have.

I've told a couple of other close friends and family now.  It doesn't get any easier.  Not at all.

But this is what I will say here.

I WILL NOT DIE FROM THIS CANCER.

I WILL KICK THIS CANCER'S ASS!

I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST CANCER FREE!

I am not cancer, I have cancer.  I am SNM and I will not let Cancer become who I am.

Tuesday we start the rounds with the DR's to find out where we go from here.  I'm sure I'll share more as time goes on.  If I'm not around a lot please understand.  If you believe in a higher power and prayer please keep me in your prayers.

CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!


LOVE, LOVE, KISS, KISS!
SNM